My Husbands Concerns

card-from-my-momAfter I wrote up my reply in my art journal I started to maybe hope that the good in my mothers letter could be true.  I printed out my blog posts “My Mothers Battle with Doubt” and “Sadomasochists number one weapon“.  I planned to send them along with my hand written letter to my mother.  In hopes that the part of my mother, that I know is still there, trying to fight against my father, might be able to look at truth and decide to fight back against his abuses harder.

I told my plans to my husband.  He is concerned that it will open up a long drawn out emotional set of communications by letter, as we have tried in the past.  He is afraid the letters will take a lot out of me, have a huge emotional effect, lead me to hope, and then drop me in a pit of disappointment, as they have in the past. Continue reading

Very Inspiring Blogger Award Rules and Questions

blogging-awardI was nominated by Patricia Grace for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  You can see the bloggers I nominated in this post.  Continue reading

Today I am thankful for my husband…

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Today I am thankful for my husband… The man who “has your (my) back” and is a “strong support” as my therapist says. A man who told me last night, “you can either come willingly with me to my therapy session tomorrow, or I can drag you there by what ever means necessary.” Or he said something like that. Continue reading

What Abuse Survivors Need From Church Leaders

The following post was written by my husband, DeltaHotel (DH). Think of him as a “guest columnist”. Hopefully he will write further at other times and give some additional perspective on surviving abuse from a spouse’s point of view.
— Jean Marie

What Abuse Survivors Need From Church Leaders
Written by Delta Hotel
May 2014

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DH sings “In the Air Tonight” to my Pedophile Father – Lyrics

My husband told me the other day, that ever since he first met my father, my father reminded him of this song.  Phil Collins In the Air Tonight…. My husband knew I was a victim of Childhood Sexual Abuse at the hands of my father, before I did…. He knew when on our wedding night I was not a virgin, yet I strongly believed I was….. He knew when I told him that dad acted like a creep once, but it was mild, and dad was fully repentant… He knew when my relationship with my dad was strange, when my relationship with my mother was strange… I wanted to name my first son after my dad, but DH refused…. DH knew…. And when I finally knew, DH admitted he always knew….. When I hear this song, I imagine the voice of my husbands internal voice singing to my dad, all those years… it is powerful…

An open letter to Dirtbags, From the husband of a survivor.

The following post was written by my husband, DeltaHotel (DH). Think of him as a “guest columnist”. Hopefully he will write further at other times and give some additional perspective on surviving abuse from a spouse’s point of view.
— Jean Marie
An open letter to Dirtbags, 
From the husband of a survivor.
Message to Dirtbags: You can never fix what you broke so stop pretending that you can, your only hope is to spend the rest of your life outing yourself (so that you can’t do any more harm), advocating against others of your kind (IE. dirtbags), and praying that Jesus will square it for you in the next life. Good luck.

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Talking With My Husband

jean-and-dhYesterday my husband gave me permission to feel like crap.  Before when I felt like crap I would feel my parents scorn towards me.  I would feel that I was depressed, lazy, blaming my problems on others, lazy, unmotivated, wasting time, and more negative ideas then I can put words to. Continue reading