The Perfect Li_e is waiting for you

My husband feels like this song and video greatly represent my distancing myself from my family. I will highlight in the lyrics the parts he likes the best. But it is not just the lyrics that symbolizes my relationships with my family, to him, the video does too. My husband really likes the symbolization in each of the “perfect” trucks. He especially finds the last truck striking. As the truck drives by it says “The perfect life is waiting for you.” But then the f in life falls away to reveal, the words, “the perfect lie is waiting for you.”

The Perfect Lie2
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Puppet Sister

Puppet So he dances her out of her twenty years of isolation.  Her twenty years of only talking to him.  Away from her cult.  Away from his friend, her cult leader.  Like a puppet on strings.  And because everyone is so happy to see her, he will instantly become their hero. Continue reading


So much truth is written here. So much truth. So much like my life.

Re Blogged from Source: INNER DWELLING by Patricia Grace

“The ‘family’ causing the anguish, the same ones who extinguish a child’s light, continue to keep dark the horrors of her childhood throughout her adult life.

In their selfish need to maintain their own innocence, and the pretense of a family not riddled with the sadistic crimes of incest on an innocent little girl, they are completely willing to sacrifice that child’s life, her entire life. Continue reading

My Mothers Words

Mothers words

These words stick with me…

“You are the one who has experienced the most pain over his actions.  My soul is full of tumult over the extended sorrow within your life.”

I want these words to really mean what they say.  I want them to be real.  I want to risk everything…. Even another possible suicidal spell…. To find out if she really means what is written in her letter….

My Husbands Concerns

card-from-my-momAfter I wrote up my reply in my art journal I started to maybe hope that the good in my mothers letter could be true.  I printed out my blog posts “My Mothers Battle with Doubt” and “Sadomasochists number one weapon“.  I planned to send them along with my hand written letter to my mother.  In hopes that the part of my mother, that I know is still there, trying to fight against my father, might be able to look at truth and decide to fight back against his abuses harder.

I told my plans to my husband.  He is concerned that it will open up a long drawn out emotional set of communications by letter, as we have tried in the past.  He is afraid the letters will take a lot out of me, have a huge emotional effect, lead me to hope, and then drop me in a pit of disappointment, as they have in the past. Continue reading

My initial reply to my Mothers letter

card-from-my-momRight after reading my mothers letter I write this up in my art journal.  I am typing it up here unedited. Continue reading

Letter from my Mom

Whole Val card from mom

Card says: Dear Jeanine, A portion of my heart, a portion of my soul, resides with you.  Love Mom Continue reading