Because of You… To My Sisters

Because of you (and Sister #2) I never feel I can trust my friends.  Because of you I am waiting for my words to be misinterpreted and used against me.  Because of you I expect to have thinly veiled criticisms from everyone.  Because of you I never want to be vulnerable again.  Because of you I do not feel I can be respected how I am.  Because of you I expect the kind words are all lies. Because of you I don’t believe peoples claims of support.  Because of you I expect to be betrayed by anyone close.  Because of you I believe my friendships are false. Because of you I do not believe people can believe me.

I know my statements of abuse are real, all that you have heard, and more.  And there is extensive clinical evidences to back them up.  I am sorry your denial of your life does not let you see the truth.

I do doubt that anyone can ever support or understand me… That all support is a lie… A falsehood… A cover up to get information out of me… A ploy to get me talking so they can look for perceived flaws…. Like you fished through my statements with doubt…. Like you stood on your pedestal of superiority… Like Sister 2 stood on her pedestal of superiority.

Thanks. All relationships are a significant challenge… Because of you. And Sister #2.

Sister #2 was my number two person I trusted. Right up there with my husband, more then my therapist.

You gained trust because of my trust for Sister 2.  Not because of history.  History has proven that you will act this way, over and over.  You followed your historical path.  I should have known.

You insulted me by telling me my feelings of mistrust were misguided, belittled my feelings, but they were real and valid. They were there as a warning sign because of all the times you have done things very similar to this.  I should have listened to them.  I should have also listened to them the moment I sensed that Sister 2 had changed. They were real and they were right.

Now my feelings are fragile and easily triggered.  But those feelings of distrust I felt strongly, when talking to you, and in the later moths when talking to Sister #2 proved to be accurate.  Not over board.  I should have known.  Because those feelings were only persistent with you two, they were not persistent with my other relationships.  But you down played it and talked down to me like I was broken and my feelings were wrong.  You were manipulative.  Your support was false.  I sensed it and should have trusted my impressions.

Now, now I struggle to not globalize everyone into being like you, and Sister 2.  Because of you, and because of her!!

Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Because of You… To My Sisters

  1. I am so sorry for the additional pain and victimization you have to experience by your family, the ones who are supposed to be there and help you get back on your feet. I understand the feeling, One of my sisters is very similar to yours. Talks down to me about everything I have gone through like she is perfect. But thankfully I have my oldest sister who has always been there for me and encourages me to be and do better. I hope, in time you can find SOMEONE who you can trust just enough to open up to. Having support is crucial. HUGS

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s