Today I am thankful for my husband… The man who “has your (my) back” and is a “strong support” as my therapist says. A man who told me last night, “you can either come willingly with me to my therapy session tomorrow, or I can drag you there by what ever means necessary.” Or he said something like that.
Why is it when a person is struggling with suicidal thoughts they become so resistant to talking about it? I saw it in a good friend of mine and scratched my head. Ironically even as I scratched my head I was in the same boat, just not as pronounced.
The moment I find a way to talk about something is the moment I am on my way towards healing it, or resolving it. So I am glad I finally found a way to tell him last night.
I have not had any “plans”. I have just known that I would rather not be burdened with living this life. I just accepted that as a standard, and have been there for at least six months… ever since I reported my father to his church.
And yes, my husband does have a beard and mustache as you see in his silhouette. My dad would never wear a beard, always had to be clean shaven, he thought it made people trust him more. That is likely why my husband wears a beard.
And here is my resistance again, even as I go to post this… I am sure there is a good reason for the resistance…
This post was written on Jan 23rd and sat in my drafts until today Feb 9th when I finally posted it.