Saratov Approach and Forgivness

saratov_approachSo I walk out of this movie and the unthinkable starts to happen.  I start to imagine one of my many ideal scenarios.  But this is the first time, ever, since I had faced the abuse, when I even considered an ideal scenario of talking to my dad.  My ideal conversation with my dad went like this.

Dad you are an addict.  You always will be an addict.  You do not control your life, your addiction controls your life.  The facts are (part removed because of this being public).  The facts are you have sexually abused me and many other people.  It does not matter weather or not you admit it, that does not change the facts.  ….

Oh gosh, I am not in the same place mentally. I can not recreate what I was going to say.

This was a surprising place for me to get to, even if just mentally.  To even be willing to consider a moment when I faced my father.  Again complicate emotions.

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