The Problem with Details



Here is the problem with telling anyone you know the details of your abuse.  Once they know some of details they will automatically want to not believe them, it is too horrible to believe.  They can, and will, discount little details here and there saying they are not sure they believe all of your account.  Telling people the details is getting the focus all wrong.  It does not matter whether or not the victim knows the details all exactly correct.  It does not matter whether or not people clinically understand trauma memories and how they are recorded and remembered. The likelihood is high they do not understand trauma memories, and their lack of knowledge will cause them to misjudge perfectly normal variances in details. It is also highly likely that people listening might become confused at the complex details you tell and then blame their own confusion on the accuracy of the details.  Telling people the details gives them the false sense of knowledge and understanding.  They falsely assume they have knowledge about what you are saying, and they falsely believe they understand what happened.  What really matters is the victim was abused.  What matters is the perpetrator is an abuser.  These are the facts that are the most important.   If someone you tell looses sight of these important facts and gets themselves all caught in evaluating things they have no training , expert experience or firsthand knowledge in, then it is likely they are not ready to support you.  Move on.  In the end what they think will not change what happened to you.  You know what you know.  


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