Nothing I Do Will Remove Brutality From My Past

The fact is I was Brutally raped over and over as a seven year old girl.  I should have been outside playing, giggling, having fun.  But instead I violently raped over and over.  Square that for me?  Make that into some pretty little picture that I can just smile and move on from?  If you can square that it is only because you did not live it.  It is only because the reality of that nightmare of that does not haunt you constantly.
I am sick of this plastic world.  I am sick of the plastic face.  I am sick of being good, looking good and hiding my hurt and pain.  The world can not handle the fact that I was brutally raped over and over continuously and I am suppose to just handle it? I guarantee that most people I know would want to shut off and not hear about the nightmare, they will then turn to me and tell me to just move on… well ain’t it a pretty little package for them if I can move on… but  I cant…. because when I move it comes with me.
I do not know what it is like to  not be constantly afraid of the world…. I was never allowed to live in that reality… I  don’t know what it is like to  not live in constant pain… I was never allowed that reality….
But hey, if you can move on do… and don’t let me inconvenience you and your little world… I just keep pretending and living this life that is a walking death… or living this life that is a walking battle zone… or living life as a little girl curled up in fear… or pain.. or I don’t even know what.. because some pains are too  big to really tell….
I hurt… that is real.. and either you can handle it or you cant… but weather or  not you can handle it… that does not change the fact that I hurt….

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