1. What would people say about you at your funeral?
That I was a dedicated mother. That I was a dedicated homeschooler. That I loved my religion and I fought for my faith even when it was hard. They might be tempted to white wash my life, but I would not want them to. I would want them to come right out and say… Jean is a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse at the hands of her father. She fought hard to break free from his controls. She fought hard to help her family and her extended family heal. She advocated online and connected with other survivors, they supported her and she supported them.
2. What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
Depression and Anxiety, negative self talk, triggers.
3. When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
When my house is clean. My self worth is wrapped around my house, and I struggle with keeping it clean because cleaning is a HUGE trigger because of my abuse. Also my worth as a child was wrapped around a clean bedroom. I had a messy bedroom, thus I was an awful person.
4. If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked “you why should I let you in?”, what would you say?
Because I devoted my life to raising my children, to teaching them how to be good people, to breaking the chains of abuse for their generation. Because I always intended to do good, even when I made mistakes
5. Do you fear death? If so, do you have a good reason?
I dont think I do right now…. I would worry about what would happen to my children and my husband.
6. If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you want to run into? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
My husbands… Yes he does… But I should tell him again… But please, please dont have the loss include my children. If that happened I would not be running, I would be a lump of sadness.
7. If you had the chance to go back in time and change one thing, what would you change?
I would not have my mother marry my father… I would have her marry some nice guy who actually cared about her as the wonderful person she is. My father only sees her as a pawn to manipulate and use. Then I would ask to come into that home, a home with my mother, and a father that is not abusive.
8. If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
I am sure I would take more time to compose it then I will do here… But this would be the basic theme…
Childhood sexual abuse is wrong. If you were abused as a child it was never your fault. If you feel shame about the abuse that shame belongs to the abuser. The abuser trained you to feel their shame, inorder to keep you silent. You were a child. You were not wrong. Your abuser manipulated you. You abuser knew how to control you. If at any point you feel you caused or willingly participated in the abuse that is only because of how good the abuser was at manipulating you. You were a child, you were innocent, you did not know, you could not know, you could not make that choice… It only happened because you were abused.
9. If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
Study Ancient Civilizations and Religions, and teach about what I learned….. No that is not it…..
I would fight to release all the prisoners of sexual abuse! That is what I would do!!
10. What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?