I hesitate to make this list. Because perpetrators will find it and figure out how to game it, and fake it so they look sincere in these actions. It is what they do. They lie and deceive to gain trust. But I am making the list because I want to break the lie that perpetrators can be healed by God and have all their tendencies to perpetrate wiped away in this life. Perpetrating is an addiction. Once someone is addicted to being sexually abusive, the addiction will not leave their body, it can only be managed.
1. Admit to your church leader when you go to confess that the real reason you are confessing is because a victim wants to speak out. Admit that you feel that things will go easier for you if you speak out first. Admit that you feel that speaking out will help you regain control of the victim and the people that are around the victim.
2. Confess of more than you are being accused of. Perpetrators have an average of 100 victims. The fact is you have committed many more crimes than you are currently being accused of.
3. Confess all of your sins, confess all of your perpetrating, sexual abusive actions. If you do not confess and forsake all you are not repentant, you are lying in order to gain the trust of the church community.
4. Admit you have an addition.
5. Admit your addiction controls you, you do not control it.
6. Tell the people around you that you have an addiction and cannot be trusted around children.
7. Avoid the temptation of children. Avoid being around them. Avoid being around the adults that have responsibility for them. Avoid making trust relationships with the adults in charge of children. Avoid your constant need to display yourself as trustworthy. The facts are you cannot be trusted. When someone trusts you they are asking your addiction to take over. When you place yourself in areas of access, and social circles of access you are asking your addiction to take over.
8. Admit you use Trust and the Benefit of the Doubt as tools to groom and control the adults who should be protecting children.
9. Face the fact that you have done irreparable damage to every single victim you have been in contact with. Face the fact that you have done immense damage to every family member of the victim. Face the fact that you have damaged every offspring of the victim.
10. Ask the Lord to forgive you of that damage. But not the victim. You have no right to approach the victim about anything, ever.
11. Thank the Lord for the victim that exposes you. Thank him for the victim that chooses to change their lives for the better and heal. Thank him for the victim that does not spread this pattern to others. Because every victim that heals reduces the eternal effects of your actions.
12. Do not downplay the effects of your actions. You are only lying to yourself. Or you are lying to others that you are grooming, so you can perpetrate again.
13. If a church official tells you that you are forgiven, do not wear it as a validation badge. If you are telling people you have repented then you are using repentance as a grooming tool, and not as a life cleanser, and gift.
14. Confess of the grooming. Tell your church leaders just how calculated you have been in the grooming. Tell them how you have misused trust. Tell them how you systematically disarmed all protections that are naturally around a child.
15. Confess of the manipulation. Tell them how you have terrorized the child to stop them from telling. Tell them how you threatened the child to get them to not tell.
16. Confess your obsession. Tell them how you think of sexually abusing constantly. Tell them how you evaluate all people you interact with socially on whether or not they can be manipulated to gain access to a child. Tell them how you spend your free time trying to figure out how to gain access to children.
17. Confess that when you can get away with perpetrating you will abuse again.
18. Confess of the mental abuse. Tell how you treat the child as having no value in order to keep them weak. Tell them how you have systematically broken down the child’s view of self so the child will feel incapable of standing up to you.
19. Confess of Spiritual abuse. Tell how you have used God and his Church in twisted meanings to harness the power of religious beliefs in order to control the child.
20. Admit to the church that even if you do all of this. The addiction still controls you. You do not control it. You can only try to hold it back by avoiding temptation.
21. Seek professional help and counseling from a person trained and experienced in helping perpetrators. The facts are you will and can pull the wool over any other counselor’s eyes.
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.
28″So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness…”