Pray, step, pray, step.

MMama3

On Wednesday I needed to write every little thing good, and listen to music, in order to have the faith to try. I call that phase pray, step, pray, step. Today I am feeling great and have allot to get done…

I told my husband about what happened when I ate that danish. He was amazed. My whole life I have had bad days when I could not get myself to do anything productive. Very much like the day I wrote about after the danish. I can’t tell you how much they have made me feel like a failure. I can’t tell you how many self help remedies I have tried. But greatest challenge I face in my life right now is the loss of faith and hope. This is because I have hit my head against the brick wall of those bad days for too long. I stopped believing I could fix them…. I still had not gotten back to the point where I believed I could fix them. Only to the point where I decided to have faith in the Lord, and that I would put in the effort to try to change them, only on the principal that I needed to have faith. In some ways my faith was one of… I will have faith it will strengthen me… But I do not believe it can be changed…. Knowing about aluminum… might be the main and biggest miracle I have prayed for, or have not prayed for because I lost hope, in all of my married life.
My #1 goal since I got married was… Be mentally healthy, and have a clean home…
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