A little over a year ago I started working form home, and my husband took up a second job. We choose this dramatic change in our family lifestyle in order to accelerate our family paying off of its debts. The plan was pay off debt first then buy a home. But God brought a home to us so we changed up the order of events. Now buying a home is financially daunting, but doable. The time it takes to buy and move and repair is more daunting. I find my self wishing my husband did not work a second job, allot. I have the ability to easily add on or take off extra hours at work, so I am asking him to consider switching who is working the extra hours. There really is no perfect answer. Working extra hours is hard on the family either way.
In many ways I have enjoyed the benefits of having a devoted and available husband. Many times in our early married life I told my husband that I needed to go and see a councilor. And he always said, that is a good idea, but first start by telling me what is wrong. I love that man. Goodness the hours and hours of time he has spent “counseling” me. Every relationship has its strength, and ours is talking. We love to talk with each other for hours.
In the LDS church we have eternal marriage. This eternal marriage brings a different prospective to the family relationship. My husband and I are sealed to each other for eternity, and our children are sealed to us as children. Our children will each grow up and eventually be sealed to their spouses. Because of this eternal bond we feel the husband wife relationship takes precedence over the parent child relationship. Or as my husband puts it, if Mama is not happy, ain’t no buddy happy. We find that if we pull in, and solve problems, first as a couple, then we are stronger and more unified when we then turn to the kids and solve the problems with the kids.
You know how kids always respond to stress. Unfortunately there have been many a day when we have hugged the kids told them we love them, found them entertainment and then locked ourselves in our room as a couple to work things out. Many of these times the kids have been stressed, if they show higher signs of stress we will repeat, hug, love, food, entertainment, back to couple time. It is a bit hard on the kids at first in stressful times. But within a matter of time we emerge from our bedroom unified, happy and hopeful, ready to share that energy with the kids. This difficult time always ends in quality kid time, to share with them what we worked out as a couple first. At these stressful times we remind ourselves, we are the ones sealed to each other eternally, our relationship has to take priority.
Well, that was a tangent…. Needless to say my husband has spent allot of quality time talking with me, and helping me sort myself out… His working two jobs has cut into this, so instead I have taken up writing. I find that when I write I can almost sort it out as well as when I talk to my husband.