Big Sigh… I feel like I got the worst of it out of my system. :). I have truly been having a crazy year..
1. starting with a miscarriage,
2. then a house fire,
3. then living in temporary conditions for six months while our home was being rebuilt,
4. then moving back in,
5. then being on bed rest for two months before I even finished moving in,
6. then loosing that baby even after two months of bed rest,
7. then feeling like I lost my chance at any more children at all
8. then reclaiming my life after all of that (i.e. cleaning up the left over mess) and finishing moving in,
9. then having a huge misunderstanding with my mother that went on for months.
9. then problems with anxiety steadily increasing,
10. then remodeling the kitchen (left over from the fire),
11. then putting the house back in order after the remodel
It has been a roller coaster, and for the last few weeks I just felt like all of my resources were used up and I could not go on. Perspective really can be lost when one is feeling down. I was stuck in the muck of bad emotions and looking for a way out, something to enlighten my spirit and inspire it to get back in the fight.
Thankfully, I recently remembered a priesthood blessing my DH gave me. I remember the warm feeling I felt as he blessed me, and the comfort I felt. I was impressed at the blessing and how perfectly the blessing fit my needs at the time.
Thankfully, this week I remembered this blessing… And I remembered that in it my DH told me that I would accomplish great things with the Lords help, so long as I leaned on him for help, and bore my testimony often, giving him all the credit. Giving the credit to the Lord… this is something I need to practice more.
Today I remembered those words and pondered.. Did the Lord in all his glory know the “depths of despair” I would be feeling trapped in these last several weeks. And did he in all his glory, inspire my DH to say those words in that blessing, for me to reflect on today??
I did not have the strength to do it on my own. But knowing the Lord was behind me supporting me, that gave me newfound strength. I feel my old self coming back to me, and my desire to achieve, struggle, and overcome coming back. I feel like in some ways I have come back to life. I was at the bottom having no faith in my ability to succeed, to continue the daily struggles. But I do have faith in the Lord. He told me months ago that I could succeed, he told me he would be there helping me. I tried many other ways to get myself to ‘move on’ but now I can not imagine any better way to help me then the words that were told me by my DH’s priesthood blessing 2 months ago.
It just makes me stop and ponder….
Can it be said then… That the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear… Two months before I needed to hear it?
I am thankful to the Lord in all his goodness, that he takes such good care of me.